Everyone knows that I am a social animal that is 110% extroverted. So earlier this year when the wedding invitations started flooding in I was so freaking ready. The food, the people, and the dance moves that were born READY. But little did I know what a profound impact attending 6 weddings in 6 weeks would have on me.
Looking upon the end of my marathon of weddings, it has put me in the feels. One of my wonderful friends describes “the feels” as a place of overwhelming emotion so strong that no matter how you try it is impossible to ignore it. So I got the feels and now is a good a time as any to share what I got going on.
- We all want connection: Regardless of our differences, we are united in our constant and continuous strive for connection. The emotional speeches, the I loves you, crying parents, the happy grandparents, and enthusiastic friends just made it clear to me how important connection is for all of us. No man or woman is an island and marriage is another expression of our need to create community. As much as I love technology, all the weddings really made me appreciate seeing so many old friends in person again. Nothing replaces face-to-face connection and weddings are one of the best way to reunite, feel, and celebrate.
- But for real thou, we need to start asking questions: I never questioned marriage and just thought that it is something that people are supposed to do. Supposed to do? Really? In Canada, it costs on average $31,685 to get married. This is a very expensive must do! Why should I get married? Is marriage something that I really need in order to have a fulfilling life? Doing something because you are supposed to do it is never a guarantee for any type of real contentment or happiness. The same applies to getting married. Getting married because everyone else is doesn’t mean that you will be happy. I think that the 40% divorce rate in Canada is proof of this. I think it’s more important to understand why we are getting married and the meaning that marriage brings to our lives. . At the end of the day, not only is a wedding a monetary investment but it is also an emotional investment. I think it’s more important to understand why we are getting married and the meaning that marriage brings to our lives.
- The struggle is real: The magnificent Mark Manson said it best: What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The question is, “What are you willing to struggle for? There is no better place to ask this question than weddings. Weddings are beautiful and make everyone happy but I was shocked at how much preparation and time goes into making them beautiful. Not only do have the actual preparation and logistics but you always have to work with the wedding party’s expectations (and sometimes a lot of drama). So as beautiful weddings are, I find myself asking: Is getting married and having a lavish ceremony something I am willing to struggle for?
- So are you really the one?: I had an amazing conversation with a friend at a wedding and he dropped some serious knowledge that changed me. He was like “You know you have found the one when you can tolerate them in their worst moments. When I say tolerate, I mean that you don’t feel like you want to run away.” Marilyn Manroe said it best: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” Hmm….something new for me and definitely a big take away from my wedding marathon. This man totally transformed my definition of what “the one” is for me.
- Always have a dress on standby: I have never been so grateful that I am obsessed with dresses. I own about 30 of them. I didn’t have to worry too much about what to wear . I was sooooo grateful for my dress obsession especially during this wedding marathon.
- Always attend a wedding on a somewhat empty stomach: Ok fine. Snack before. But do not eat a full meal before a wedding. Weddings are some of the best places to get quality food. I can’t believe how well I have eaten the past six weeks. All sorts of amazing food. Ghanaian, Somali, AMAZING steak, Indian curry and unbelievable desserts. I’m just salivating and getting hungry just thinking about it. But I stand by position: do not eat a full meal before a wedding otherwise you get so full that you miss out on all the awesome food.
So all in all, I can honestly say that the ideal marriage for me would be to go to city hall, get take out from all my favourite restaurants, go home, eat my face off, and then chill in my daisy onsie. The idea of doing all the work…isn’t worth the struggle for me. But that’s just me and maybe I’m saying this because I’m single so…who knows maybe I will change my mind.
But I am very blessed to have so many friends that would think of inviting me to their wedding. It was a privilege to be able to be part of someone’s special moment.
Nothing is a guarantee for happiness. Everything is temporary and the only constant is change. But I truly do believe that if we are aware of why do we what we do we are bound to make decisions that are meaningful even if we have to ask difficult questions. Marriage is no exception.